As I’ve often said, I’m a Luddite.
Look it up. It’s good for you. Not that I believe literally in smashing printing presses: I just don’t trust technology. See, for example, how technological advancements in pneumatic tube delivery of consumer goods drives the proto-Marxist world revolution in Edward Bellamy’s seminal 1888 worldwide best-selling novel, Looking Backward.
Cough, Amazon. Look it up. If you look it up, you’ll never use the drive-though at the bank again without an appropriate dreadful sense of impending ideological doom.
Anyway, last night I gave a little speech to the Forsyth County TEA Party, where I placed some very specific blame on several dumb-bunny libertarians, elected GOP officials from Georgia, and national pundits who intentionally threw the Georgia Senate races after tricking Trump into listening to them.
Among these people, in more or less descending order of culpability:
- Faux-conservative, open borders Koch-shill, former Georgia Congressman Doug Collins (my longtime congressman, by the way, and no friend of Trump in 2016, when he opposed him at the district convention while I was one of Trump’s delegates, though Trump has somehow failed to notice Doug’s former opposition).
- Child-molester-defending Georgia GOP Speaker of the House David Ralston, who is pals with Stacey Abrams and has already sold his soul to Hollywood via tax credits for the film industry since he sold northwest Georgia’s carpet industry to Mexico and was sucking fumes there for a while.
- Pretty-boy, our Marco! Rubioesque Lt. Governor Geoff Duncan (don’t let the Shakespearian names in either case distract), who apparently couldn’t give a crap as ANTIFA and other leftists shut down Atlanta during the legislative session and beat several people including government officials into ICU but is crying real-boy tears about the Capitol riot on CNN. Geoff: how is it that a failed AAA baseball bencher ends up running medical companies in other states? And why don’t real riots by opposing parties that affect where you live merit no comment on Ted Turner’s last buffalo cliff?
- Steve Bannon. Jesus wept, I loved Steve Bannon. Imagined his grody squarish unshaven visage on a five dollar bill a hundred years from now during the first decade of official Idiocracy, only in a good way. Sort of like the reverse of Bellamy’s Looking Backward, but the same thing too. Look it up. Read it. It’s free. Anyway, I have the distinction of having listened to every single one of Bannon’s War-Room podcasts since their inception over a year ago. I’d walk the cattle dogs or tie up the heirloom tomatoes (damn they grow) and listen to him, or Joe Rogan trying to keep his own giant meathead brain alive forever with supplements, or listen to re-runs of In Our Time until I just didn’t need to know anything else about Marie Antoinette, or Joe Rogan’s brain, and I whittled it all down to just Bannon. And then he teamed up with John Fredericks and that dolt thief Jenny Beth Martin and screwed us. Why, Steve? Why did you spend five minutes every day scaring elderly people away from voting in the Senate run-offs in Georgia with Jenny Beth and John? Here’s what I really think: you’re the guy who believes if he breaks things just enough, he can get the credit for fixing them at the last minute. Unfortunately for all of us, your magic epoxy didn’t glue the plate back together fast enough this time.
- Shane Hazel, the Libertarian vote and My Little Pony. What do these things have in common? Great question. Shane Hazel lost Georgia one Senate race by running on the insane platform that burglary and riots should be legal because it’s the responsibility of gun owners to defend their homes and businesses from criminals, but being robbed at gunpoint should remain illegal because… well, who they heck knows? You’ll have to ask Shane. Why My Little Pony? Because that’s what the National Libertarian Party VP candidate ran on: the My Little Pony Platform. I WISH I could make this stuff up, but they screwed several important races:
- John Fredericks. Who the hell is John Fredericks? Someone ridiculous enough to send someone to take weird photos of my powerpoint from last night and put them on the internet but who didn’t have the dignity to just call me and ask me about it. Someone who sent an idiot to secretly photograph me while I was chowing Funyons because I give free speeches in exchange for Funyons. They are really good. In the moment, Funyons are worth just about any sacrifice.
- Here’s one image from the Powerpoint. It is lacking the accompanying dialogue, but if anyone has any questions, you apparently know where to find me.